


Tubbo Goes To Kroger

by InfernosSunset



Series: Various dreamsmp characters go to public businesses [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: dirty crime boys, jschlatt works at kroger, kroger - Freeform, someone probably dies, this is not a serious fic at all, tommyinnit is a chaotic being, what the fuck am I doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29027454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernosSunset/pseuds/InfernosSunset
Summary: Tubbo goes to Kroger. If you don't know what Kroger is then too bad for you lmao
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Alexis | Quackity & Wilbur Soot, Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Jschlatt, Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Jschlatt & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Karl Jacobs & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade
Series: Various dreamsmp characters go to public businesses [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206647
Comments: 32
Kudos: 77





	1. Kroger

**Author's Note:**

> My jschlatt sexy dababies helped me with this one  
> this story is mostly an inside joke im sorry

"What's Kroger?"  
"What do you mean, 'what is Kroger?'" Technoblade was getting really tired of streaming with Tommy and Tubbo, who's chat was apparently now casually mentioning small supermarket chains.  
"What the fuck is a Kroger?" Tommy butted in.  
Jesus Christ. Now they'll know what Kroger is. That wouldn't be an issue on it's own, but something about this situation felt that something would happen if they knew.  
"AYEE THE BLADEEE, MY MAN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT KROGER IS??" Tommy shouted. Why did he need to know?  
"Kroger."  
"Th-That's not an explanation, dickhead!"  
"I don't care."  
Suddenly, the sound that Discord makes when someone joins a voice chat pings, and of all voices to be heard, it was Karl Jacobs.  
oh no.  
"Karl, what's Kroger?"  
"What?"  
Tubbo asked again. "What is Kroger?"  
"Karl please don't tell them-"  
"I'll take you guys to a Kroger if you want."  
"WHAT?" Tommy yelled, which isn't surprising because the bitch always yells  
"I mean, I could pay for you guys to go to America-"  
"Why would I want to go to America? There's too many Americans there."  
"Yeah, that's where American's live, Tommy." Technoblade was getting very annoyed very quickly. 

Eventually, it was decided that the gamers would go to America, specifically to go to a Kroger, for some reason. 

\- - - - - - - 

It was morning, and Schlatt was heading to his secret job at Kroger. 

No one would know. No one COULD know. I mean, Twitter would go crazy if an image of him working at a KROGER was going around. Little did he know, that day, a few bitchass bastard crime boys were heading to that very Kroger. By "crime boys", Wilbur was going too. Why? Because I need more hits on this story and everyone loves Wilbur 

"So..why are we going here again?" Wilbur was still not understanding why exactly they traveled across the sea for this.  
"Because Karl offered and I need to see a Kroger before I die."  
"You really don't, Tommy."  
"Well it's too late now isn't it, wilby."  
"Did you just call me Wilby??"  
"NO-"

Tubbo stared at the store. Something about it seemed strange, compelling. He didn't pay attention to if his friends were close by, he just walked in.  
...  
Wow, this sucks.  
He walked around, because what else was he supposed to do? 

Schlatt was just trying to get through the day. The feeling of dread in the deepest crevices of his soul was even worse today, he wondered why. He heard the footsteps of a customer walking towards him; he fully was ready to tell whoever was approaching to 'fuck off', but he had to be nice to customers, I guess.  
"Hello, sir, how can I-"  
"HEYY GUAPITO-"  
Oh god. Oh fuck. Is that...Quackity?  
"Wait- Schlatt?"  
"Oh god."  
"YOU WORK AT KROGER?!" He was laughing. Really loudly.  
"Fuck off dude and don't tell anyone-"

"YO IS THAT JSCHLATT AND BIG Q?"  
Was that...Tommy? Why was he here? Come to think of it, why was Quackity here too? This was an exhausting, long, and probably just generally the worst day. Oh great, Wilbur was there too.  
"Schlatt? You work here?" Wilbur seemed to be the only sane one here, yet still asking Schlatt a question he did not want to answer.  
"I barely make videos, I have to make money somehow besides brand deals- and you all, you tell no one."  
"I can't guarantee that." Tommy joked, or didn't joke. You can never tell with him.  
"No, I'm serious-"

There was a loud crash. Oh, great. And then, another loud crash. What the hell? Suddenly, a light above them shattered, and the Kroger went dark. Chaos ensued. Customers were screaming, looting, or most of them were trying to escape. The Kroger was almost empty now, but before the gang could leave, Tommy started yelling, like usual.

"Tommy, shut the hell up-"  
"WHERE THE FUCK IS TUBBO??"  
Wait. Where the fuck was Tubbo.  
They started searching, some went outside, some searched inside, but he was nowhere to be found.  
The doors were locked.  
It begins.  
Time is frozen in the Kroger.


	2. What happens in the produce aisle stays in the produce aisle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today we have a special guest appearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres gonna be an among us joke in here

How long? How long have they been trapped in this hell? They didn't even know where each other were anymore, due to the darkness of the store. Was Quackity outside? And more importantly, Tubbo was missing because who cares about Quackity right now honestly. The situation was...strange. They couldn't even look outside anymore; all that appeared to them was a deep void. One of them should really find a light source, or this would get annoying really quickly. Does Kroger even sell something like a flashlight? I guess they would find out. There was a sudden flash of light, easy to spot in the pitch-black Kroger. Who was that? Where did it come from?

"Hello? Anyone nearby? I found a flashlight!" Ah, it was Wilbur who found the flashlight. The more responsible of their current group. 

"Thank fucking god, I can finally see something in here." Looks like Schlatt was nearby. What an interesting duo this would be.   
"How did we even get separated? Weren't we all together when whatever this is started?"  
"Doesn't matter to me, I just want out of here."   
There was a small crash. Was it a person? A person they knew? Or a creature? Why would there be a creature in a Kroger?

"Schlatt? What was that?" Wilbur whispered, there was no way he wanted whatever was there to hear him.   
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"   
"Well, go check then."  
"Why me? Are you fucking sacrificing m-"  
There was another small crash. Wilbur pushed Schlatt near the sound and an even larger crash was heard in the darkness. Wilbur pointed the flashlight near the sound, and what he saw was horrifying. Was that blood? What the hell? He frantically moved the flashlight around now, looking for anything. As he got a closer look, wait..that wasn't blood. Was that..watermelon? He heard another crash, and pointed his flashlight to the direct source. 

There, he saw Schlatt, laying on the ground, a broken watermelon by his head. There, standing over the body, was Connor. Connoreatspants. Holding a watermelon as if he was preparing to throw it. 

"Oh hey, I know you."   
Wilbur stood there. Then he spoke.  
"DID YOU JUST KILL SCHLATT?"  
"..oh fuck. Looks like I did."  
"Okay okay, maybe he's just knocked out? That's a very real possibility, right?"   
Connor nodded and crouched down to check Schlatt's pulse. Seconds ticked by.  
"Yeah I don't feel anyth- no wait I have the wrong spot hold on-no-wait-yep. He's dead."   
What the fuck. There was a dead man on the ground right now. Was Wilbur an accomplice now? A witness? Why was Connor here? Where was everyone else? He wanted to get out of here. And quickly. Soon, Wilbur was running from the scene of the crime, hoping anyone else was nearby, hopefully even Tubbo. Wilbur was not paying attention to what was in front of him, and suddenly crashed into another person. 

"Tubbo?"

\- - - - -- - - -- - -- - - - -- - - -  
Tommy was right by Wilbur before, so where did he go? It was dark. Like, pitch black. He kept tripping over almost everything, looking for a person, or even an exit. This trip was a mistake. Even if he did find an exit, he wouldn't leave until he found his friend. He swore he heard someone scream at some point, but he pushed the fear away so he could focus on..whatever he was doing. The Kroger seemed to have a strange glow; also still pitch black somehow. Reality felt altered here. This was not poggers. He was seeing shit now which was not cool. It was like he was always being watched. He heard someone or something shuffling around in the dark, it didn't sound like a threat but Tommy kept his guard up. As he moved forward, it strangely felt like three people were around him, yet he only hears one.   
"Hello?"  
"Who is that? Don't find me right now."  
"Big Q? Where the hell are you?"  
"I lost my fucking beanie somehow, I am not showing my face right now."  
"Big Q I want the hair reveal."  
"Fuck no, man-"  
A bright light blinded the two gamers' vision. As their eyes adjusted to the light, there stood Wilbur. He looked like he saw some fucked up shit.   
"Don't shine that light on me. I am not ready for a hair reveal, man."   
Wilbur sighed and took off his own beanie and threw it to Quackity.   
"Here, but give it back later."  
"You're gonna give me lice, Wilbur." Quackity joked, while putting the beanie on.   
"We'll see." Something about Wilbur seemed different. Tommy knew he heard three people in the dark, so where was the third person?   
"Wilbur, you didn't find anyone else, did you?"  
Wilbur tensed up. He spoke in a way which made it obvious he was lying,   
"Uh, nope! I saw no one else besides you two!"   
Okay, there was definitely something wrong. It had only been like ten minutes and Wilbur was already going insane. A new record. The strange aura of the Kroger was even more apparent now. They needed to find Tubbo, and leave as soon as possible. 

Oh, and Schlatt, I guess. But he's dead.   
when the impostor is sus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lore is gonna be wild boys


	3. An Appearance (and a disappearance)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group continues onward in their attempt to escape Kroger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am making this up as I go

They didn't know how long it had been now. It felt like it had been weeks, and also somehow it only felt like they had been there for a few hours. The Kroger was getting to them. Puppeteering the deepest fears of their psyche. Wilbur was acting weird, Schlatt was dead, Tommy thought he was seeing things, and Quackity was...well, he was acting pretty normal, surprisingly. The group searched through the darkness, finding nothing but the usual things you'd find in a supermarket. Wilbur seemed very persistent on staying away from a certain area of the store. But they had to look everywhere. 

"We're not going over there."   
"Wilbur, what the fuck is wrong with you man? You're acting strangely."  
"I saw nothing."  
"Well you definitely saw something-"  
Quackity just stood there, in the dark, watching the two British men argue like brothers. Where was Schlatt? Quackity was suddenly distracted as he heard footsteps from behind him. He whipped his head around, seeing nothing, even with the dim light from Wilbur's flashlight. He looked back to the other two men. They were still arguing. Quackity decided to make the mistake of investigating the noise by himself. What if it was Schlatt? Or just anyone less annoying than the two bitchasses he was stuck with right now?  
"Hello? Schlatt, is that you, or literally anyone else at all?"  
The person emerged.   
...  
"That's not Schlatt."

\- - - -- - - - - -- - - - -- - - -- - --   
Eventually, Wilbur and Tommy stopped arguing. It was getting them no where, and Tommy was just gonna look where he shouldn't anyway, so there was nothing Wilbur could say to stop him.   
"Where's Quackity?"   
Tommy looked back to Wilbur. Quackity was gone. Wilbur stood there, back facing Tommy, looking out into the darkness. It was like some shit out of a horror movie, but Wilbur wasn't possessed, there's no way there were ghosts or anything trapping them in a Kroger. And, plus, Wilbur would never do anything like killing Tommy. But he was acting weird...and there was no one else around. What could stop him.   
"Wilbur, you're being scary as fuck right now."  
"I saw Tubbo."  
"You what? When? Right now?"  
"Earlier. I think I did. I ran into someone, and I saw Tubbo, when I looked again, it was-" and then Wilbur stopped talking.   
"Who was it? Oh no, are you seeing shit now too? Because I swear I've been seeing this weird glow like this place is haunted or some shit. It's like I'm on drugs man."  
"You're not seeing it. It's real."  
And then the glow got brighter. What the fuck was happening anymore?   
"I saw Schlatt get killed by a watermelon."  
"What the fuck?"  
The glow was back. This time coming from one spot. Should they investigate? Or just stay where they are? Might as well check it out, who knows what's good and what's bad in this bitch ass Kroger? As they approached the light, it got dimmer. That's not how light works. Eventually they made it to the spot where the light was coming from, or so they thought I mean it was completely pitch black where they were standing  
"Wilbur, turn the flashlight on."  
"Oh, right."  
As the light turned on, he pointed it toward the void, and there was Quackity. Dead. Watermelon by his head. Tommy was screaming. Wilbur was quickly getting used to this.   
"Same thing happened to Schlatt."  
"What?"  
"Yeah, the watermelon killed him."  
Something told them that this wouldn't be the last time they would come across the watermelons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short, but the plot is set now.


	4. The Culprit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group finds the culprit, but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a strange one.

Tubbo stared at the bright light ahead of him. There was a familiar figure there, who didn't seem to notice him. The light wasn't too bright, it had a gentle green and purple glow, and the energy coming from the person was nauseating. They weren't intimidating, they were kinda short.  
"Hello?"  
The figure whipped his head around at Tubbo's voice. He looked like he was caught, caught doing what? Well obviously Tubbo didn't know. The light illuminated the person's face as he now faced Tubbo, and it was very clear who it was. Yet, the more he stared, the more everything became warped, the last thing Tubbo heard before he faded into the void was actually not cool at all it was mostly stupid  
"This is not going according to plan."  
\- - - -- - - -- - - - - -- 

Wilbur and Tommy were very on edge now. As far as they knew, they were the only members of the group that were alive. Tommy didn't want to consider the possibility that Tubbo had fallen victim to the watermelons as well. Wilbur was leading the way, suspiciously seeming to know where he was going. Tommy followed at a safe distance, because Wilbur was being fucking weird. Wilbur stopped in the darkness, staring into the infinite void.  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
"We're getting out of here."  
"Did you just walk us back to the entrance? Wilbur, we're not leaving without Tubbo-"  
"Tubbo is dead. Face it, Tommy, he's no where to be found, he's fallen victim to the.." Wilbur trailed off, looking into the darkness again. What was he seeing? If he was seeing anything at all, of course. He's gone kind of insane.  
"Someone's outside."  
Tommy was silent. Someone outside? Was this their ray of hope? Or an omen of death? Only one way to find out. The sound of the glass doors of the entrance shattering as deafening. Tommy saw nothing but darkness, yet he heard movement in front of him; as if someone was being tackled. He saw Wilbur's flashlight slide across the slick floor, and he ran to grab it. He pointed it toward the noise, and saw nothing. The noise was all around him, the glow, the glow was back. What was going on? He wasn't walking out of here alone, nor was he going to die. He had to do something.  
"Wilbur?" He yelled out, he turned the light to his right, and saw Wilbur fighting off some man holding a watermelon. The man looked over to the direction of the light, and spoke.  
"This was not the plan."  
His face, why couldn't Tommy see his face? The man was right there, yet his face was a blur.  
"Who are you?" The man sighed at this question, stood up, and suddenly, his face was seen.  
"Karl? What are you-"  
"Shush. Let me explain. You're not supposed to be here."  
"Neither are you dickhead-"  
"Be quiet. Listen, it's a lot to explain, but let me get through it. I am fixing this timeline. You all were never meant to be here."  
"You were the one who sent us here!"  
"True, honest mistake on my part, but I am here to fix that. You and Wilbur are the only ones left. Killing you is the only way back. You have to trust me; and you won't remember a thing when you get back."  
"So, is Tubbo here, or have you killed him, which, if you did, fuck you."  
"Well I'd need to do that eventually, but no. He doesn't exist in this dimension." This was getting more confusing by the second. Wilbur got up off the ground and looked at Karl, perplexed.  
"What about Connor? I saw him kill Schlatt." Karl laughed at Wilbur's question. He laughed for an uncomfortably long time.  
"Oh him? That was just me messing around with some timeline stuff, it would take too long to explain. Anyway," Karl picked the watermelon up, held it over his head, and chucked it at Wilbur. And just like that, Wilbur fucking died.  
"What the fuck?" That was all Tommy could say before he felt a watermelon hit his head, and then there was infinite darkness.  
Karl sighed, and wiped the watermelon juice off of his hands. There was a glowing light behind him.  
"Well, I did my job. It better work this time." He pulled out a book and quill out of seemingly thin air, and started writing.  
"Timeline #412," he thought for a moment, and started writing again. "Tubbo goes to Kroger."  
And then the light was gone, and the Kroger was empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT:   
> Hopefully I'll be able to get the last chapter posted this week, I am currently having issues in my personal life so please bear with me lmao


	5. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long and its short fuck you

"What's Kroger?"  
"What do you mean, 'what is Kroger?'" Technoblade was getting really tired of streaming with Tommy and Tubbo, who's chat was apparently now casually mentioning small supermarket chains.  
"What the fuck is a Kroger?" Tommy butted in.  
Jesus Christ. Now they'll know what Kroger is. That wouldn't be an issue on it's own, but something about this situation felt that something would happen if they knew.  
"AYEE THE BLADEEE, MY MAN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT KROGER IS??" Tommy shouted. Why did he need to know?  
"Kroger."  
"Th-That's not an explanation, dickhead!"  
"I don't care."  
Suddenly, the sound that Discord makes when someone joins a voice chat pings, and of all voices to be heard, it was Karl Jacobs.  
oh no.  
"Karl, what's Kroger?"  
"What?"  
Tubbo asked again. "What is Kroger?"  
"Karl please don't tell them-"  
"It's Kroger."  
"I don't think we're gonna get a straight answer, Tommy." Tubbo seemed to have given up on getting an answer. Thank god.  
"But I want to know-"  
"It's an American thing, anyway-"  
"Ew, Americans, nevermind."  
Again, thank god for Tommy's hate of Americans.   
Kroger. If things went right, they would never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this chapter sucks, but I've gotten tired of this story. I was NOT expecting anyone to actually read this. It started as a joke with a few friends, and I thought it would be funny to make a story of it. It was honestly really fun to write, I'll be sure to write more of these shitty, funny stories. It might be a while, but I do like writing about whatever funny bullshit my mind makes up. But anyway, this is it for now. Maybe I'll have something in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: okay so I wasn't expecting anyone to read this but since like 10 of you like it I'll make sure to update it soon sexies


End file.
